He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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