I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
