A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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