You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
