That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He better not be in your backpack
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
