You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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