if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just pee around me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
