Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
