I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
