Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
