If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
