i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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