How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
