if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
