There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
