dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
