apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
