Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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