wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize