Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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