the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dicks are not precious.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
