Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
