Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't deserve a penis
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
