Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just want to make out with him forever
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
