i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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