I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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