Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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