dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
