I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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