what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
