4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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