Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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