i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
