My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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