so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
