i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
