my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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