I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
