I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
