it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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