The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
