Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Randomize
