Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
