So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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