is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i think my cat just said my name.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
