I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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