somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
