He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
