he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
