I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
