hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
