only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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