totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
