hotel room ftw
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
