I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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