every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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