guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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